Category Archives: joy found

Heaven’s Joy

Posted in angel babies, Eucharisteo, grief and loss, joy found, twins by

This poem was written by a friend 6 years ago after our twin girls were born and entered Heaven. I read it countless times after they passed, because it provided me with mind pictures of the hope I clung to. I asked my friend permission to share it on here today in their memory.

In memory of

Madison Faith ~ August 11, 2006

and

Taylor Grace ~ August 13, 2006

Heaven’s Joy

A Poem for Taylor and Madison

Sweet little twins

Born so small and perfect

We wanted you to stay

Did you feel our love?

 

Precious little babies

Hear the lullaby of Jesus

Snuggle close to angel’s wings

Your spirits light and free

 

Lovely little daughters

In your new glorious bodies

Your daddy’s hopes, your mama’s dreams

Are in the arms of our Eternal Father

 

Darling little girls

Playing together in heaven

Skipping streets of gold, hand in hand

Your laughter rings out

 

Joyful little princesses

Gathering flowers for Mama

Blowing kisses down to Daddy

Your sky paintings decorate our world

 

Wondrous little children

Wide-eyed at the feet of Jesus

Hearing the true and ancient stories

From the source, the King Himself

 

Watchful little guardians

With glances toward the gate

Like Madison waited for Taylor

Now watch and wait for us

 

Beautiful little angels

Making your home in Heaven

Show us all your special places

On that grand reunion day!

 

Eternal little souls

Our sorrow is Heaven’s joy

Unmatched love surrounds you now

In Heaven and from Earth

12 sleeps and snow

Posted in Eucharisteo, grace, holidays, joy found, nieces and nephews, the relatives by

12 SLEEPS!    JUST 12 MORE SLEEPS!!

My sister and nieces are coming! The ones I haven’t seen in over 2 years!! The niece that Leesie longs to play with so much she named her imaginary friend then blue bat friend after her. And the other niece that I haven’t seen since she was two months old. THEY WILL BE HERE AFTER JUST 12 MORE SLEEPS!

Not that I’m excited or anything. Ok, I’m ecstatic!!!

And as if that weren’t exciting enough, we – my big sis and I – are taking a road trip with our 4 kids to see our lil’ sis in Nevada! I haven’t seen her in far too long either. Aaaaaaaaaannd, we will be meeting our brand new adorable baby nephew, Mason! Who hasn’t actually been born yet, but I already know he’s adorable. And my older sis and nieces will meet Mason’s big brother, Riley for the first time, too – even though he’s 1 already 1 1/2. And I will get to squish-kiss his adorable cheeks.

AND ALL THE 6 COUSINS WILL GET TO PLAY TOGETHER for the first time! Well, Mason will probably just want to sleep since he’ll be just a week or two old. Every party has a pooper…

Aaaaand, my mom will be there, too, because she is flying down to be there when Mason makes his appearance.

So to sum up:

Mom + her 3 girls + all six (by then) grandchildren on this earth (3 boys, 3 girls) + 1 husband (Kylie’s) = LOADS AND LOADS OF FUN AND MEMORY MAKING that hasn’t happened since… since ever, because the last time we were all together at the same time was 2 years and 5 months ago, and 3 of these babies – all the boy grandbabies – didn’t even exist yet!

Sadly, we will really miss dad, and 2 of the husbands (mine and Korie’s).

Hmmmm…. The 3 men that have been around the longest in this family are not going to be there at the reunion of the 3 sisters and mother + 6 grandbabies. I wonder if they have some wisdom from experience they forgot to share with Ryan…

Kidding, of course. They are all working. I know they – dad especially – would love to be there. Hoping and praying for a reunion next year that includes all of us.

I’ve done a few re-posts of Facebook notes I wrote over the last year to keep them all in one place. I only have a couple left. The one below was for my niece, Ellia, on her 4th birthday this past January. Since I get to see her in just 12 sleeps and she is on my mind constantly right now, I’m posting it today.

I LOVE YOU, Ellia!! I can’t wait to see you and your mommy and sis in just 12 sleeps!!!! (And YOU Kylie, Ryan, Riley, and Mason – just shortly after that!) This is one happy girl over here!!!

A Prayer for Snow – January 26, 2012

Last week, when many of us were waking up to inches of snow, my older sister and her family were “enduring” temperatures in the upper 80s. They live in Surabaya, Indonesia, where they serve as missionaries and pastor a church. Korie and John have two adorable girls (my adorable nieces), Ellia and Alyssa, who have spent most of their short lives (they’re just 4 and almost 2), over there.

 So while we were all posting pictures of sledding, snowmen and igloos, Ellia was praying for God to send snow to Surabaya. “Mommy, I’m afraid that I’m never going to see snow again!” she said. Even when she was told God would probably not answer her prayer for snow in their hot city, she said, “It’s ok, I’ll just keep praying.” (Now there is a girl with some faith.) Korie posted Ellia’s comment on Facebook and told all their Washington friends and family to enjoy the snow. I read the post and felt sad for my little niece who likely wouldn’t understand why God wouldn’t answer such a simple request for snow. (Oh, ME of little faith.)

So here’s what happened…

I was typing up a response to Korie, when I looked up and read the response above mine. A friend of hers posted something about fake snow that looks and feels like the real thing. I remembered seeing the same stuff when I went to Victorian Christmas. I was with some church friends at the time, and one of them had mentioned purchasing some in Whatcom County for her grandkids before Thanksgiving.

I called her up. She said she bought it at Grandiflora in Lynden, but that was before Thanksgiving. She doubted they’d still be carrying it now. I called there. No answer. It was the middle of a snowstorm and all the county schools were closed as well as some businesses. I figured Grandiflora was closed, too.

So I called Michaels. They were out and wouldn’t have it until Christmas. I called JoAnns. Out. I was actually ok with that, though, because I was without a car and there was a snowstorm, so really how would I get it anyway?

 I searched the internet and found a couple brands that were kind of pricey, and I didn’t want to add shipping costs on top of the shipping costs I’d have sending it to Indonesia. I figured I’d wait and when I came across it, I’d pick it up and send it to her. It just may not be until next Christmas.

Then I remembered Grandiflora had a voicemail box. I called them back to leave a message. Only this time someone answered.

I described the product I was looking for. She knew what it was but thought it was an odd request considering the weather. After all, I could just step outside and get as much as I’d like for free. She was kind, but said that although they had some packs left, they had already packed it up with some other stuff for next season. It would probably be very difficult to find, and the owners weren’t in. She didn’t even know where to begin to look.

So I began to tell her the story of my little niece’s childlike faith and her prayer for snow… only I didn’t get very far. I barely got the those words out when the woman on the other end nearly shouted, “Oh! It’s here! It’s here! God just directed my eyes RIGHT to it!” She seemed very surprised, because it was supposed to have been packed up, but there was an entire box of snow that had not gotten put away.

Perfect.

She set aside 6 packs for me and put the rest away. Now I just had to get through the real snow to pick it up … Thankfully, unlike Michael’s and JoAnn’s, Grandiflora is only a couple miles away and Matt would be home with a car before they closed.

Now here is what I love about this. Ellia was going to get snow. It was set aside for us to get. But even better, she was going to get it while we still had snow. Because my mom – who has never traveled out of the US/Canada – was going to visit Korie, John, Ellia and Alyssa. And she was leaving in three days.

Just the fact that she was going at all was a miracle. It wasn’t likely going to ever happen, but a wonderful friend blessed mom with a trip and didn’t give her a choice. Mom was going. Another wonderful friend blessed mom by going with her. They – and the snow – would be arriving the day before Ellia’s birthday.

We had just enough time to wait out the real snow, get the fake snow, and drive it (safely) down to Mt. Vernon to meet my mom and stick it in her suitcase as she was leaving.

Mom and Darlene boarded a plane and about 36 hours later, they were in Indonesia. It was evening there, and by the time they got to Korie’s house, everyone was exhausted. I don’t imagine there would have even been time for playing in the snow even if they wanted to. It would have to wait until the next day, Ellia’s birthday.

So guess what? Ellia got snow. It arrived on her birthday. With about 16 Indonesian friends who I’m guessing have never ever seen it before and may not ever again. My sister says it was a hit. They all played and played and played in it. They went outside and threw it in the air and at each other. A little boy who has cried the whole time every time he’s been at Korie’s before laughed and played for the first time. Ellia got snow. With friends. In Surabaya. On her birthday. Just a week after she first prayed for it.

You may be rolling your eyes. “Why would God answer that prayer?” And I’ll admit. I thought it too. “Poor Ellia. God won’t be answering her prayer for snow.”

But then again, why wouldn’t He? He is GOD, after all. Clearly HE is capable. But snow? In Surabaya? Just because a little girl prayed for it? That’s really just a child’s silly wish, right?

Here’s the thing. God answered Ellia’s prayer. Not in the way she expected, but it was answered nonetheless. Some may read this and chalk it up to a series of coincidences. But I know God loves us. He knows us. It says in Isaiah 43:1, “I have called you by name, you are mine.”   We are HIS. I am HIS. Ellia, YOU are GOD’s.

He not only loves us and knows us, but He delights in us. Zephaniah 3:17 “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”  We are HIS children. What father doesn’t take joy in the laughter of his children? What father doesn’t rejoice and celebrate the life of his child?

I will be the first to say that every request we bring to him isn’t granted. I’ve had some big requests go unfulfilled. It doesn’t always make sense. But I do know that His thoughts are not our thoughts, His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). I guess when it comes down to it, I’m thankful for that. My ways are awfully selfish. And I don’t see the picture He sees. And I know God isn’t our magic genie to be used to grant wishes.

So why the snow? I know some people will read this and think, “God doesn’t do stuff like that. He isn’t worried about silly requests like that.” I’ve even heard friends say, “God doesn’t have time for those little prayers. He’s too busy dealing with wars and big stuff.” I say to you, don’t minimize the power of God. He is all-powerful. He is all knowing. He is supreme. And I am so thankful that he is not so distracted by the “big” events of the world that he has no time for me. Because not even the biggest events in my life can compare to the massive needs in the world.  If God was “too busy dealing,” he would never have time for me. Or probably you.

But he is not too busy. He is not distracted. He is not a distant God that only cares about “big things.” WE are HIS. HE cares about US. EACH of us. He is WITH us.

And he rejoices over us with singing.

Ellia had a little prayer with some massive faith. And she is God’s. HE cares about HER.

Sweet Ellia, GOD delights in YOU. HE was rejoicing over YOU with singing on your birthday. HE was celebrating YOU.

Happy 4th birthday, my beautiful niece.

A rose by any other name

Posted in joy found, laughter, my boy, my girl, parenting (aint for sissies) by

Last week, Annalise had a great time at a beach-themed VBS with her friend Payton. (Thanks for the invite, Rachel.) On the last day, she brought home a purple beach bucket full of all her crafts from the week, her name written neatly on the outside of the bucket in gel paint. She was quite proud.

Except she has apparently inherited some OCD/perfectionist qualities from, ahem, I have no idea where, because she was bugged by a slight smudge on the second letter “a” in her name, right along the stem of the letter. Now let me be clear when I say that whoever wrote her name – in gel paint, on a round bucket – did an amazing job. Perfect printing in a perfectly straight line on a curved surface, all done from a squeeze bottle. I was impressed at the obvious talent of one who most certainly was a fellow perfectionist.

But as flaws often do, the smudge on the a wore at my little 4-year-old idealist. First, she pointed it out to me. “Do you like my bucket, Mommy? There is just a little smudge right here though.” I told her I loved her bucket, and I didn’t even notice the smudge. But now that she pointed it out, I liked it. It gave the bucket character. (I’ve had practice with this sort of thing, you know. I may have had to use that line for myself once or twice before.)

Then she announced – more to herself than anyone – that the smudge was “no big deal” and did her very best to ignore it. But I could see as she played with her perfect purple bucket with her almost-perfect name, it was still bothering her. She’d stop every once in a while to rub the smudge, pinch it, trying to squish away the imperfection.

Finally, she had enough. “Mom, I don’t like that smudge. I’m taking it off!” Before I could stop her, she had the corner of the letter a and promptly ripped that smudge – and entire stem of the a – right off her bucket… Leaving a perfect letter c behind.

Now as any perfectionist knows, a misspelling is much much worse than a minor smudge.

She gasped. “OH NO! Now I have a c instead of an a!” Panic on her face, she stared at the torn letter. “A-N-N-C-L-I-S-E! Mom, what’s my name now????”

I didn’t hesitate. “Ank-leese,” I said matter-of-factly.

Another gasp. “But I don’t like the name Ank-leese! It’s not even pretty!”

“I don’t think it’s so bad,” I responded. “Here. Let me take a picture of you with your new name, Ank-leese.”

“Well, I’m not smiling if you do. Ank-leese is not a happy name.”

I took the picture anyway, laughing the entire time. “Say ‘cheese‘ Ank-leese!”a

It’s very clear to me now why Jacob gets such a kick out of tormenting his sister. She just makes it so fun.

“MOMMY! It’s NOT FUNNY. How would you like it if your name was Hol-key?”

Hol-key? This girl is too much. I laughed harder. “That wouldn’t be so bad, Ank-leese. I don’t think I’d mind.” Still laughing.

“Well, I’m gonna start calling you that! Stop laughing, Hol-key!”

“That’s mom-key to you, Ank-leese.”

Apparently sarcasm and teasing don’t go well with a perfectionist’s frustration. Poor girl. So I told her that no matter what her name is, I will always love her the same. Annalise by any other name… even if that name is Ank-leese. Either way, she is mine and she is God’s and she is perfect to me.

We talked a bit about the bucket, and how she let a little thing bother her, and by trying to make it perfect, she only made it worse. That it is sometimes really hard, but that we have to be okay when something isn’t exactly how we want it, or isn’t what we think is “just perfect.”

And since she sometimes struggles with negativity, we talked about how we need to be thankful for our many blessings, and focus on the so many good things and not focus so much on what we think are bad things. 

Then I asked her about the story they learned in VBS that day. Ank-leese told me they heard the story about Jesus washing the disciples’ feet. We talked about how Jesus was perfect, fully God and fully man, that he could have come as a rich king, or however he wanted, but that he came into a poor family as a baby. I said how amazing it was that he, God, would do that, that he would wash the feet of the disciples. “Do you know what that means, Annalise?”

She thought about it, scrunched up her face and responded. “Yeah. It means he had some really dirty water.”

Lesson over.

“It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.” ~ Psalm 18:32

Oh, and I almost forgot… Jacob maybe learned his lesson about eating his boogers. No more floss needed. Yesterday he came to me and said, “Mommy, I picked my nose. But do not woo-wee. I did not eat it. I put it wight back in my nose.” Aaaand onto a new lesson…

L-O-V-E

Posted in joy found, laughter, my husband by

I have a wonderful husband. He is so loving and kind. On my last day of work, I found TWO dozen roses in the center of the dining room table. He wanted me to come home to something lovely and peaceful.

Just because he knew it was a rough day.

And just because he knew it was a rough week.

And just because he knew it was a rough year.

What a thoughtful man. I wouldn’t ever dream of poking fun of him or embarrassing him on here for all the world (a.k.a. the 20 of you that read this) to see. Nope. I wouldn’t do that. Instead, I’ll just show you the beautiful bouquet he left just for me, because he loves me. Isn’t he amazing? I love that man…

Ponderings

Posted in Food Stuff, friends, grief and loss, joy found, laughter, my boy, my girl by

It’s been a week. Lots on my mind. Most of my thoughts are still swirling around, not ready to form into words or be elaborated on, so this post is full of randomness… a list of just the beginnings of some of these thoughts – the serious, humorous, and disgusting. Consider yourself warned.

1. First and foremost: LIFE IS SHORT… Live slowly. Love deeply. Laugh often…  THIS is my new summer “to-do” list.

2. The more people you care about that enter Heaven, the further away and closer it can seem… all at the same time.

3. When Jacob says, “Mom, can you do me a favor?” don’t say ‘no’ immediately. The next words out of his mouth might be, “I need a hug.” Melt.

4. When Jacob says, “Mom, can you do me a favor?” don’t say ‘yes’ immediately. The next words out of his mouth might be, “I just went poopoo.”

5. It is not helpful, just very frustrating, to discuss problems if you do not also consider solutions.

6. It’s important to teach song lyrics carefully. Otherwise, you may end up with your daughter singing loudly, “Deck the halls of jowls of Holly…”

7. Don’t leave the song-lyric-correcting to the husband. He will only find the new words humorous and make it worse by saying, “It’s not ‘Deck the halls OF jowls of Holly,’ it’s ‘Deck the halls WITH jowls of Holly.'” Lovely. You are oh-so-helpful, my dear husband.

8. If you love someone enough to consider them family, tell them. Here are a few of mine:

  • Pete and Judy. Matt is beginning to think I would replace him with the both of you because every time I come home after seeing one of you, I say, “I know I’ve said it before, but I just love Pete and Judy.” And so I’ve decided to adopt you as aunt and uncle. This is also perfect because I adore your girls so much, and that would make them my cousins. I’ve always loved my cousins and could use a few more. The only problem is, since Judy wants to also adopt my dad as her uncle, our familial relationship has just gotten very complicated because my dad would now be my great uncle as well. And it will get even more confusing as the little ones grow up, because I’m fairly certain – based on their latest display of affection – that Jacob and Eisley are already in love, and I’ve got my eyes on Caleb for Annalise. This could get tricky.
  • Rachel. In the absence of my sisters nearby, you have been a very worthy replacement. I know I can speak my mind and can be myself, and the same goes for my kids. No judgement, no worries, no competition. I am so blessed by you and thankful we reconnected to experience mommy-hood together.
  • Renee. While you really are actually family of some kind (sister-in-law-in-law?) you have truly filled a void for our kids who miss their aunties so very much. Thank you for being an auntie to them and a sister to me, and for loving all of us as we are.

9. Last and least, but still on my mind ALL THE TIME, the disgusting…

I am obsessed. Witnessing a fly lay eggs in my recently cooked pork tenderloin fajitas has caused me to examine food ridiculously closely and Google things I never really wanted to know. Although I am relieved to learn that fly eggs can not hatch in your stomach, I am less than thrilled to know that the FDA allows eggs and maggots to exist in uncomfortable quantities of tomato products. And really, even just one little egg or maggot is an uncomfortable quantity in my food. Am I right? (If you didn’t already know the story, here is the summary: Made massive batch of fajitas while kids played outside with back door open. Left food on burner on “warm” while we sat down to eat. Got up from table to stir fajitas and scrape leftovers into container. Noticed slow moving fly. Noticed chunk of garlic. Remembered I didn’t chop garlic into fajitas. Realized garlic was actually fly eggs. Slow fly was not being cooked, but was just a little too busy to move. Decided to never again leave food uncovered, never again leave door open, and never again eat at a buffet or anywhere where food sits out. Except that all 3 have happened in the last week.