What gender is YOUR food?

Jacob has made it known – without actually saying it – that he is a vegetarian. There is not a single meat he will eat, except maybe McDonald’s chicken nuggets, which you can’t really count as meat… or even food. So we avoid those. Which means then that yeah, he eats ZERO meat. I can’t even sneak it into stuff, because he won’t eat something that resembles a casserole or has an ingredient he can’t see. (Neither will his dad, but that’s another story.)

There are very few things Jacob will eat. I’m going to list what I’ve tried so you all know and can give me suggestions, which are welcome. Encouraged, actually:

  • PB sandwiches, plain or with jam usually works. PB with honey? Nope. Unless he’s at Grandma’s.
  • Beans? Sometimes. Re-fried with cheese and sour cream is a success about 50% of the time. Which, let’s face it, 50% of the time is a success. Green beans no more. Whole beans (kidney, black, other) about 10% of the time.
  • Noodles? Never with a capital N.
  • Fruit? Usually – because it’s sweet and sugary.
  • Veggies? Only red, orange, or yellow bell peppers. Not green. The others are sweeter. (But technically, they’re a fruit, too. I won’t get into that, though, since it will likely result in my husband calling me a nerd.)
  • Cheese? If it’s string cheese or Havarti slices from Costco packs. Yes, he’s that picky. Or orange Tillamook cheese on a grilled cheese sandwich.
  • Bagels? Sometimes. With cream cheese usually, but then he sometimes just licks the cream cheese off.
  • Oatmeal? With brown sugar and blueberries. (a.k.a. “Bare-boobies.” For those of you that don’t know that special story, I’ll post it below.)
  • Yogurt? Usually. But not plain greek, which is about the only kind not full of sugary stuff or other junk. (Let me know if you know of a good idea there.)
  • Chips, crackers, fruit snacks and any other processed garbage full of sugar? OF COURSE! Only, we don’t like to buy that stuff, so…

That’s it! Other than that, I’m out of luck. Most of his meals include a PB sandwich and a cheese stick, with hopefully some fruit or bell peppers (not green.)

Today’s lunch menu was a grilled cheese sandwich, a banana, and a glass of milk. I need to go grocery shopping. It was either that or PB, which I get tired of watching him eat.

Annalise and I sat eating ours, while Jacob sat with a scowl. Something like this face he gave to my cousin after being asked to eat a hot dog. (I forgot to inform Andy that Jacob doesn’t eat meat… even hot dogs):a

Yep, that’s my strong-willed little boy. I have no idea where he gets it from.

“Jacob, you need to eat your grilled cheese sandwich, please.” I started gently.

“NOPE! I. NOT. GONNA.” He was a little more firm in his reply.

“But you like grilled-cheese sandwiches! Mommy made you something special that I know you like!”


Annalise, observing the forming struggle turned to me and whispered, “Mommy, you’re calling it a girlcheese sandwich! No wonder he doesn’t like it!” She turned to her brother, “Jacob! Silly mommy just forgot. MINE is a girl-cheese sandwich. YOURS is a boy-cheese sandwich. Will you eat it now?”

Jacob paused, looked at it for a bit, his furrowed brow softened. And then he laughed, “Silly mommy! I am not a gew-wohl. I will eat my boy-cheese sandwich.”

And he did. Silly me. Dogs eat dog food. Of course boys eat boy food and girls eat girl food. Duh.


And now, the blueberry story. In case you didn’t already know:

Jacob loves, loves, LOVES, blueberries. Last year, he asked for them all the time. Only he called them “bare-boobies.” I found it utterly hilarious and laughed every time (like an 8-year old boy… remember? My husband found me awfully immature,) until I found myself in the produce section of Costco with my 1 year old in the cart screaming with excitement while waving his arms, “BARE-BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!”  Then I just wanted to crawl under the bananas and die. The end.

3 thoughts on “What gender is YOUR food?

  1. My dear, dear, Holly,………… Today has been a tough, tough, day for me……. pretty much figured nothing could make me laugh today. But low and behold.. I discovered…. that the visual of our little Jacob screaming out for his favorite treat,(“BARE-BOOBIES!!!”) at Costco, did the trick!! Thank-you Holly…. but most of all…. thank you my darlin Jacob!! Grandma Kodak loves you!!

  2. “Bare boobies” <—laughing out loud! I'm no help with the food suggestions because we're fighting a similar battle (except Lyla doesn't talk so all I get is pursed lips and a firm shake-of-the-head no). You are going to have to start making a list of all foods with boyish names and give those a go: manwich, po' boys, chef "boy"ardee…!

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