For a few weeks now, I’ve wondered what I could write on here for an anniversary post. I wanted to write something to you. I mean, I’ve already written about many things I love, things that have changed me. God and his grace, our kids, the twins, my parents. And although you’ve appeared in some of the posts, it is usually just so I can tease or mock you. (It’s my way of flirting with you, you know.)
But I couldn’t quite figure out how to write an anniversary post. What do I say to the person who has been there as I’ve struggled through my anger towards God and listens as I learn about His grace, to the person who held me through the twins, who talked me through the fears and did more disgusting jobs than I’d care to admit, who loves me in my mommy failures and laughs with me through the hilarious moments of parenting? I’ve written about all those things, but what do I write to you, the one who has been there all along?
And then I realized the words I’m looking for…
Thank you for holding me, loving me, guiding me, helping me grow.
The verse we used on our wedding invitations was,“I have found the one my soul loves.” ~Song of Solomon 3:4
It’s funny, how perspectives change after just 7 years of marriage. I did love you then. But 7 years later, I am realizing I didn’t know how much I could love you. I didn’t fully understand the depths of that verse. I know now. No, I’m learning.
My soul loves how you hold me in quiet, when there are no words to describe the hurt.
My soul loves how you walk in the door and make the kids and I laugh after a long day for us, and for you at work. When I am about to pull my hair out, and they are about to knock each others’ teeth out. You calm us and help us enjoy being together once again. A “magic closet” that gets rid of grumpiness? Pure genius.
My soul loves how you ask me questions that stretch my faith, at just the right moment. How when I scream and yell at God and act irrationally, you are steady. And you are okay that I am not.
My soul loves how in my most unlovable moments, you love me most. I think you are showing me a glimpse of how God loves me fully. Unconditionally. You love me like that. You love me with grace.
My soul loves how you put us first. How there is nothing you’d rather be doing than just being with me and the kids.
And even if my ears don’t always, my soul loves, and I mean really really loves, when you sing, and when you make up songs that keep us all laughing and singing too.
My soul loves a million more things about you.
And I just wanted to say thank you. For loving me like that. I love you, too. Really bad.
Happy anniversary, to the one my soul loves.